<div style="display:inline;"> <img height="1" width="1" style="border-style:none;" alt="" src="//googleads.g.doubleclick.net/pagead/viewthroughconversion/1028731116/?value=0&amp;guid=ON&amp;script=0">
CHRISTMAS OFFER Subscribe to Yorkshire Life today click here

Tom Wrigglesworth on losing your crown

PUBLISHED: 10:15 18 July 2017 | UPDATED: 10:15 18 July 2017

Tom Wrigglesworth

Tom Wrigglesworth


Tom finds the current political climate something he can get his teeth into

Good day to you dear reader. It’s just dawned on me that if I told you I’m sitting here writing this column, the day after polling day for a General Election, there’s every chance you might wonder ‘Which General Election do you mean, Tom?’ Such is the political turbulence howling around the country it seems the Prime Minister might as well wear a sash that simply reads ‘manager of the month’.

This political ‘losing of the crown’ put me mind of the times I’ve lost my own crown, albeit slightly less serious than one which further divides the country while simultaneously undermining Brexit negotiations.

You see, I have a crown on one of my teeth, the lateral incisor for any fans of orthodontry (and I say that knowing a good chunk of you will be sitting in a dentist waiting room as you read this). The crown is purely cosmetic, the original tooth was healthy but buckled back, in a manner that you would politely describe as ‘British’. The pesky thing about having a crown fitted is that they have to grind down the original tooth to act as a solid base for the new one to be glued to. This means that while the crown is being made, your tooth looks far worse that it ever did. Actually, this self inflicted and unnecessary backward step seems to have been used as a blue print for Theresa May’s electorate campaign.

The other pesky thing about veneers is they have a tendency to fall off. This has happened twice, each time going completely unnoticed by me and only coming to my attention after a recoiling wife has screamed ‘What the hell is wrong with your teeth?’ Next comes a desperate team effort to a) find the missing tooth, and b) checking the diary for any forthcoming appointments where me turning up looking like a wild-haired Shane McGowan would be deemed inappropriate.

The first time this disaster struck involved a Danish Christmas feast of roast duck. The following morning, when I realised that I was several duck legs heavier, but one tooth veneer lighter, an eagle-eyed mother in law managed to fish the tooth out of a bag of bones that was minutes away from being boiled up to make the traditional next day soup. I’m sure even the most experimental, Heston Blumenthal-esque chef would baulk at the use of cosmetic dental work as a seasoning.

More recently, I lost the crown while in the middle of major kitchen renovations. With the entire kitchen stripped back to bricks and roof joists, my culinary tool kit was reduced to a microwave, toaster and a camping hob set up in the living room. If there ever was a childish novelty to camping in your own home, then it took about thirty seconds to wear off and my diet quickly levelled out to sandwiches all day and take away in the evening.

It has to be assumed that during a hasty midday attack on some crusty bread, my tooth veneer got pinged off again only this time it was nowhere to seen. True to tradition it was my wife recoiling in horror as she noticed it was gone, then I recoiled in horror as I realised the solid lump making its way down through my chest wasn’t just stubborn bread crust but my fake tooth.

Now, I apologise for any feelings of queasiness that might be washing over you right now, but let me assure it was much worse for me. I mean what do you do? Make yourself physically sick in bid to reclaim it, or let nature take its course and hope you’re given a clue to its delivery time with the unmistakable ting of porcelain on porcelain. Neither option being anywhere near ideal I decided to get measured up for a brand new crown.

In the middle of these oral problems, the kitchen renovations rumbled on, and the long days of chiselling, lumping, carrying and humping bricks and plaster had taken it toll on my body. Becoming increasingly sore and stiff,I was advised to take up yoga. Apparently this would loosen my tense back muscles and allow construction work to continue.

I can’t say this with any certainty but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a yoga mat on a building site, so I was sceptical to say the least. However, Trudy the yoga teacher, with impeccable skin and bolt upright posture assured me it was exactly what my body needs. She asked me if I’d done anything like this before, in an attempt to stream me into the correct ability level of yoga practitioners. ‘How flexible are you?’ she said, her pen hovering over a clipboard. ‘Well, let me put it this way,’ I said. ‘I’m not boasting, but last week I think I bit myself on the backside.’

‘Very impressive,’ she said. ‘The only person I’ve known to successfully bite their own backside is Theresa May.’

More from People

The Yorkshire landscape has inspired artists and writers for centuries and now the farmers who have sculpted the land are the subjects of an exhibition.

Read more
Yorkshire Dales
Wednesday, November 8, 2017

The judging panel for the 2017 Forward Ladies National Awards, sponsored by HSBC, has now been named. Professional men and women, successful entrepreneurs and respected business heads will assess the regional finalists and select national winners.

Read more
Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Despite a string of succesful TV hits, Kay Mellor has never been so nervous. Tony Greenway talks to her about Fat Friends in Leeds and the national tour.

Read more
Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Market leading health supplement company are proud of their Yorkshire roots.

Read more
Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Our columnist shares some spooky stories of ghostly goings on around York

Read more
Monday, October 30, 2017

New dad Tom finds his twin daughters are chips off the old block

Read more
Monday, October 9, 2017

Busy Bake Off star heads to the Flavours Food Festival in Elsecar and launches a new Christmas book.

Read more
Thursday, October 5, 2017

Take time out every day just to find a bit of peace, says our usually fast-living and fun-loving columnist

Read more
Tuesday, October 3, 2017

A big, bold and funny version of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice comes to York Theatre Royal this month, adapted by comedian of the moment, Sara Pascoe. Tony Greenway talks to her before rehearsals

Read more
Tuesday, October 3, 2017

While waiting for his twins to arrive, Tom gets one baby delivery he wasn’t prepared for

Read more
Thursday, September 28, 2017

Actor Reece Dinsdale accepts a couple of important Yorkshire appointments as the arts enter a new and exciting era. He talks to Tony Greenway.

Read more
Monday, September 25, 2017

Jimbo’s Fund helps to buy fire station for a local community

Read more
Friday, September 15, 2017

Good day dear readers! I hope so far the summer has been abundant/not too bad/has actually started (delete as appropriate) in your part of the world. This month I bring two pieces of news, one good and one bad, so I’ll deal with both in turn.

Read more
Friday, September 15, 2017

Our columnist goes with the flow.

Read more
Great British Holidays advert link

Topics of Interest

Food and Drink Directory

Follow us on Twitter

Like us on Facebook

Subscribe or buy a mag today

subscription ad
Yorkshire Life Application Link

Local Business Directory

Yorkshire's trusted business finder

Job search in your local area

Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to the following newsletters:

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter

Property Search